Friday, September 12, 2014


             I haven’t been in a position to write since January. Staring down at that MRI report, I didn’t know what to do. I have consistently been the over sharer. The girl at the dinner table that looks at you and exclaims, “Guess what my horse did today!” since I got the news that Finn had laminitis a lot of that has really changed. I turned away from social media and for once tried to look inward for some answers. I don’t really know how to write about the last couple of months; how to explain what it's like to go back and forth between keeping and not keeping my best friend. All I know is, the moment it stops being all about winning is the moment you finally start being able to win.
            When I got Finn I was somewhat cocky, I thought I knew everything about everything and when I walked into the barn I talked a louder talk than any other girl. All I wanted was a blue ribbon, just to prove I could. I determined my worth as a rider and owner on my penalty points at an event. I was the girl crying after the dressage, and sweating before the show jumping. I was the one who loved her horse but just didn’t know how to get around the course.
           When Finn left Brendan Furlongs with a MRI report that said Laminitis and navicular changes I really didn’t know what to say. They were mild, they were fixable, and they were what they were. However, was this the end of a partnership that hadn’t even started? In the beginning I thought about winning, I thought about ribbons and I committed myself to making him better for me, making him better so I could cross that finish line and gain what I thought that I deserved. When he got better too slowly I started to give up and I looked for other avenues; even taking another horse on trial at one point.
           I haven’t jumped a jump on my horse since March of this year and I have only cantered him about 15 times since then. Every day is a move towards strengthening as we have had set backs like two puncture wounds, a nasty bump to the leg and my move to college. Somewhere along the line I learned that I know absolutely nothing about anything. I just love my horse. It isn’t really about winning at all, and the couple times I have taken Finn to dressage shows this season he actually has won!

           I hope to be able to start the blog back up now that I have the courage back up to talk about my struggles. I hope to find some comfort in the community of people that have loved Finn for so long. Next week I'll even post some pictures of Finn’s new home in Pittsburgh!